It's finally here; this day in which I finally have the chance to start this project that has been jiggling around in my head for months. My watch is off, my phone turned over. Just me and this cursor.
Today was a tough day, made lighter by a good friend with a lot of laughter and tears to share with me. There are a lot of things I want to share, both from my history as a mama and back into my life in that direction and also from my dreams and wishes for my life going forward.
But what is beating out of my chest today is a lot of loneliness and this big wish. Here I am up on this mountain where everyone said I would be. I made it. I'm so incredibly grateful. I feel the wind in my hair and it's so exhilarating. I can look back down at where I've been and know that the journey was worth it and that my pack is so much lighter now. There's love all around me and I'm helping it grow. But my partner, my sherpa, he's not here yet and I can't share this moment with him. He's making that climb now. All I can do is wish him godspeed. I can't go back down that path and I need to make sure I don't. Just trying to hold back the clouds so he can see his way. And remind him that baby and I are here waiting at the top.