One of the more entertaining things about motherhood is the songs I find stuck in my head at random times. Often it's something I was just singing to my son, like the lullaby I made up for nap time and find myself singing downstairs after I've put him down. Or his favorites, like "the itsy bitsy spider". But another song is a bit more incidental-"la cucaracha", which I often find stuck in my head and although it sometimes takes a bit for my memory to rewind back to the moment of its origin, there's a good reason for it.
You see, back a few months ago, I was picking baby up at daycare and the owner started a sentence with "you know, you should be careful when you put on his shoes because..." I was expecting something like "they're too small" or "you bent his toe backwards" but instead she picked up his little blue leather moccasin and showed me the cockroach that was pretty much dead beside it and I didn't hear the rest of the explanation because I was too busy being extremely embarrassed and sure that she was judging me and my (surely) filthy, dirty, cockroach infested house. Beyond horrified, I stammered something about seeing one in the garage (true!) and shuddered; reliving what it might have felt like for this 16 month old to feel something wriggling in his shoe.
From that moment on, I have checked his and my shoes for cockroaches every time we get ready to leave the house, and when I start to wonder why I have that song in my head, I just shake my head and think of this, one of surely many future moments in which I will feel that I am slowly losing my dignity and finding more reasons to feel guilty. But I'm smiling, too.